Comprehending

My comprehensive ultrasound was last Friday (May 9th) with Dr. Cupcake, as she and McDreamy switched their times once again at the perinatal center. After hyperventilating a few times while the ultrasound tech spent a little too much time focusing on my child's head (never a good thing), we found out that all is ... normal. All systems are a go. Heart works. Two kidneys are present. And, most importantly, we saw a fully-formed brain. Heart rate was 147. And, oh yeah, the baby still has a penis.

The shock

My AFP results came in today. Normal. This baby seems to be out of the woods for spina bifida. Since the last two pregnancies taught me to expect the worst, I'm shocked. Normal doesn't seem to be normal to me. I'm used to tears or some sort of horrific discovery. My family still doesn't know that I'm pregnant because of that lingering fear that something might go amiss. I'm really surprised that no one is on to me yet...I think there's only so long that baggy maternity shirts can hide the goods. My mom is going to be pissed at me when she does finally get in on the news. And I'm absolutely dreading that comprehensive ultrasound on the 9th.

17 weeks

My trip to see McDreamy began with a fender bender in the rain. Before you ask, the hubby was only going about 3 miles an hour, so no one was hurt. Our minivan suffered only a few nicks, and the truck we hit didn't have any damage. It could have been worse. And had it been worse, we were literally right at the turning lane to go into the hospital. This was the first accident with the kiddo in the car, and I am so very glad that it was only just a minor fender bender.

The minor accident did cause some tardiness to see the lovely McDreamy, who was waiting for me. Literally...waiting for me. He had a faculty meeting to attend, so he was trying to breeze through his patient list. I don't remember ever getting in to see him so quickly. The appointment was pretty routine and happily boring. Blood was drawn to check AFP levels. The baby's heartbeat clocked in at 150, and my weight gain was right on the mark at four pounds. Although, I suspect that the weight should have been less as I didn't have time to use the facilities. By my scale, I have gained a total of 6.5 pounds. By McDreamy's scale, I'm up 7. With the toddler, I had gained 7 at this point...so whatever. I'll just keep on keeping on.

My next ultrasound is on May 9. This would be the big anatomy scan.

I'm really hoping that it becomes a seller's market

My house has never been so clean. The place is officially on the market. Finally. The husband and I had planned for the 'big sale' since I was pregnant with the toddler. You know...THREE YEARS AGO! I'm relieved that we're finally doing it, but I'm also exhausted from the constant cleaning. I am cleaning all the time. Mopping, dusting...swiping the tops of vanities. The list feels never-ending. And it's even harder when you're pushing 17 weeks. Not that 17 weeks is huge...I mean, I know what HUGE feels like. But pregnancy does make the whole home sale prep a bit more challenging.

As for the pregnancy, I've had to really watch my activity levels. I've been having lots of muscle cramps, which seem to be caused by both my rampant cleaning (OCD cleaning, that is) and picking up a 34-pound kiddo. My weight gain is about where it should be...and I'm counting only the pounds that show up in the a.m., before breakfast. Still, though, even at my heaviest (post-dinner) bulge, I'm not freaking. I've lost a few pounds here and there, and then gained them back after a packed weekend of eating out. I'm just trying to be healthy...although, I do obsess about my weight during pregnancy. A LOT. My next appointment is this Thursday, at which point I will be doing the lovely blood draw to measure AFP levels to assess the baby's risk for spina bifida. The next ultrasound is May 9.

I'll spare you all the details of the bladder infection that wouldn't die...except to say that it finally died. Finally. And my lovely medical bills are coming in. Love the medical bills. Or not. I am very thankful, though, that I have insurance. Fairly good insurance. But my deductible still sucks...as meeting any deductible does.

I also need to scribe an entry summing up all those mixed feelings that I've been having as my pregnancy begins to creep past the point where Arella's ended. It's weird the things you remember. And the markers in my mind only serve to enhance the melancholy musings.

And how have you been?

I'm a horrible, horrible blogger. But I have an excuse...well...this week at least. The hubby took a week off, and the past five days have been spent pulling all of our furniture into random rooms in preparation for new carpet. The new stuff looks great and smells even better. We also painted and put lots and lots of random useless junk into storage. Our home is going on the market on Tuesday. Unfortunately, my laundry list of prep work is still very long.

In baby news...I'm now 14 w 6 d and feeling movement! Lots and lots of movement. For me, feeling movement is always a reassuring moment in pregnancy. I like having that physical reminder that there is an actual baby residing in my uterus. While movement eases my anxieties a bit, I'm still stressing about that 18-week anatomy scan. I think my husband is trying to ban me from google. I must stop researching fetal heart conditions and anything else that might cause me incessant worry.

I really need to get out my bin of maternity clothes, because, really, the belly is a-popping and my skinny jeans are beginning to expose a muffin top. Can I tell you how I don't want to get out the maternity clothes? Bad reminders, people. Very bad reminders. The last time I unpacked those clothes I was about 14 weeks with Arella. Feeling right as rain. Packing those clothes away a few weeks later was tough. And a few of those damn outfits just remind me of the termination. There is the orange sundress I wore to my consultation with Dr. Weddington. The pink t-shirt I wore in my only (and now lost) belly shot pic...the forced smile on my face trying to hide my complete sadness. Then there was the oxford shirt I vomited on in the ER when I spiked a massive temp from a uterine infection after the termination. Oh, yes. Fun memories. Fun, fun memories. What sucks is that those were the same clothes I wore with the toddler...happy memories. The Weddington sundress was the dress I wore to Mass two days before I went into labor with the toddler. And the oxford shirt that I puked on with the termination was a favorite of mine during the toddler pregnancy. I wish I could just put the sad memories out of my mind and just focus on the happiness that those clothes gave me. Ah, the yin and yang of life.

The next few weeks are going to be tough. Reminders are around the corner...15 w 2 d (which I shall be on Saturday) is the point in pregnancy when I found out Arella's diagnosis. So Saturday, in a way, is going to be a bit of a marker for me. Not an anniversary, just a day for emotional pause. On May 24, we're going to celebrate my husband's grandfather's 80th birthday...and, in my own mind, I'll remember the year-anniversary of that life-changing ultrasound. I can't believe that next month will mark a year since the diagnosis.

In case you want to see the evidence...

The big one

Yesterday was the "big" ultrasound. Of course, the baby's head looks fine. No anencephaly. Spine looks good so far, although it's a little early to tell for sure if the baby has spina bifida. Baby is measuring 14 w 2 d at 13w 1 d...so great growth. Heart rate was 157. The nuchal fold was measured, and it was within normal range. I opted not to do the first trimester blood work.

The big shocker came when the tech asked us if we wanted to know the gender. I didn't think gender was distinguishable that early, but we decided to take a look for fun. Turns out, gender was pretty obvious. We're having a boy. McDreamy confirmed the gender, and said he was 80 percent sure. So...I suppose it's going to be a blue nursery. Now the husband and I get to fight about names for the next six months.

My next ultrasound is going to be at 18 weeks. I'm still sort of nervous about things that could go wrong...but I don't think I'm ever going to stop worrying.